The ticking gifts inside getting ready to detonate

Our unique light, our true gifts, burn from the inside until we release them.

We can’t go un-numb without feeling this.

Most of us, I’m told by Nature, have no idea what our true gifts are.  Because we are unique, it sometimes happens that no one — not even ourselves — recognizes our gifts and they fly past radar screens undetected. Sometimes they take forms that are socially invisible or discouraged, and it takes rare courage and vision to bust through that. Even if the environment isn’t hostile, few of us receive adequate training to develop and become skilled at what we came here for.

I have a working premise that if we can uncover and activate them, the unique gifts within us are our answers to our current planetary crisis.  Is that far-fetched? I’m willing to test it out and see, because I can’t think of a better choice.  

In that direction, I am fidgeting and twisting and scraping off the old skin — shedding the not-gift behaviors that I became skilled at because they garnered attention and approval and paid well.  I’m dropping the ones I developed as a rigid defense against the hurt of not being seen or heard or truly known — not even by myself.  And I am re-focusing my own attention on understanding who I am, and developing what it is I really came here for.  

For me, being sensitive was a huge liability in a family where toughness and the ability to push past pain with a happy face were valued. I had no idea that sensitivity could prove to be a gift. When I started to learn about the Field and understand how it becomes stronger and juicier when we pay attention to the subtle nuances, I started to cherish my ability to feel deeply and value it as a pathway to learning more about Life and myself and others.

We approach unwrapping our gifts and questions arise.  What if I invest myself in giving my gifts and no one wants them?  What if I can’t figure out how to make it work financially?

And then there is the (sometimes justifiable) fear that our gifts are disruptive in nature, that they will bring us unwanted attention, or have a negative impact on others.

This is justifiable because our gifts carry so much power that they are indeed capable of disrupting life as we know it, and they will do a thorough job of it if we are acting unconsciously, or if our life as it currently is set up is oppressive to our spirits.  

Our gifts will change everything that needs to change, hurtling us into the unknown, and if we’ve been in denial, this terrifies us.  

What we don’t see unless we take the step to uncover our unique superpower is that our gifts carry the seeds of new beginning in them, too.  I feel this in my bones: we don’t just get stranded.

Granted, we may be living moment to moment, being spoon-fed babies in a new reality, but if we’re willing to reach out and become students of the Life within us  . . . each step of the way we are supported if we keep on breathing, asking for what we need, opening and receiving . . .

And the only. Way. I know how to do this in any consistent way, is in the context of our soul’s community.  It’s where our gifts have relevance and are seen and received. Where we seemed to be “too much” for our family or community of origin, our tribe depends on us showing up as fully as we can.

Soul friends are those people who understand what you’re going through because they have walked that road or are walking it right now beside you. When you’re around them you feel beautiful just the way you are. They are those people who weep with gratitude when you simply tell your truth, because it is true for them too and they didn’t completely know it till you spoke it.  They get to be more them, and you get to be more you when you are together. Their presence warms and strengthens us at points on the trail that would otherwise be too hard to bear.

If you haven’t found your tribe yet, I ask you to take heart.  If you are doing your inner work, if you are noticing what lights you up and if you are acting on your delight, if you are saying “no” to things that don’t serve you, you are setting yourself up to bump into one or more precious soul friends.  Doing these things prepares the space that will welcome and affirm them when they do appear, and it makes your life so much more lovely regardless. 

One way you may find or build your tribe is in the shape of a circle. I am finding that the structure of a Circle, when approached with respect, tends to support us in staying aware of our self-responsibility and gives us perspective of ourselves and each other that can help us feel simultaneously more free to be ourselves and bonded with each other.  When I sat in council meetings in an intentional community, when I learned the sacred Bulgarian circle dance Paneurhythmy, when I visited the Pueblos and learned of the Kiva, I understood that I’m not the first one to make the observation that we find ourselves whole together in the Circle.

In my current life the Circle is coming alive in different forms too.  I went square dancing for the first time in years and felt so alive and free!  It’s not actually a square; it’s a kaleidoscopic moving mandala of many shapes, including a circle.  A dear soul sister has recently been calling together intimate song circles around a fire in her backyard.  Friends are playing music together and enjoying the sweetness of life, meeting new friends, circles expanding into other circles and connecting on and on. I’m so grateful to find that my need for my tribe is being filled often in ways that surprise me and pop me out of my set ways of thinking things must be, and call me back to my unique gifts that must come awake in me, if I am to truly live.

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